Life is not 100% going right

I don’t see where anyone’s life is 100% going right. We’re supposed to work on ourselves, help each other, and learn things while we’re here.

We are supposed to grow as individual human beings, yet also be a contributor to society or the environment in some way. Some of us look at life as if having more money would make things better. On some level, sure, it will, but will you be the same person as before? Will you suddenly have relatives needing your time, attention, and money? Would you give to others? Would you set yourself up nicely and say your payday has come?

I am not trying to sway you or myself from money. I’d love more of it, just like many of you. I am saying that blessings come in many forms, worries come in many forms, and that fabulous house you see in that exclusive neighborhood is filled with people having problems just like you.

The problems may not be the same. They are definitely paying their light bill every month and their roofs probably don’t leak, but maybe they don’t really have deep, loving relationships with the other people in the household.

This is why I suggest you look at your life and find the blessings already in it. There are fabulous things going on and your world is shining brighter in some areas than other people’s.

I can tell you I have great relationships with my children. It’s something I’ve actively tried to create. My husband loves me and is my biggest cheerleader. My relationships with other people is varied.

People look at my life, family members even, and think I am not helping myself because I live in a converted school bus and not a proper house. So, I can tell you, I clearly don’t have all of my ducks in a row and it shows.

I know people who live in proper houses, beautiful ones, who struggle with personal relationships with their spouse/children. I know people who are perfectly healthy, yet are extremely rude. I know people who are unwell, yet always polite.

Check in with your life, see what you have that’s shining and awesome, be proud of that. Work on the other things too, sure, but don’t let them bog you down.

I love using analogies to explain in ways that don’t really involve people. This is because, I think, people don’t have to feel defensive or attack…they just have to catch the relation.

So, here’s my analogy, cooking! Some people are expert bakers. Some can cook the main course with ease, some can only make frozen cookie dough cookies, some can’t do anything in the kitchen. Does that make what you can do any less than what someone else can? No. Does that make your talent better than another person’s talent in the kitchen? No. What it shows is that we’re all different and if you have the right people with the right strengths in that kitchen, you can have a fine meal! The person who couldn’t cook at all, maybe they’re setting the table or giving you encouragement/comfort about something you’re going through.

Everyone is working on something and if they’re not, then I am almost positive they’re lacking in some way that they’d like improvement on, but they’re ignoring it. What are you feeling like you’d like to work on? What is going on in your life that’s fabulous? Always look at your positives, they are your assets and the benefits are usually win-wins.

Your group of friends, rating them?

I see where it’s posted on social media in reference to, “You are the combination of the five people you are around the most.” I ponder this every time I see it.

I wonder what it means really. Does it mean we’re to value each friend like a card hand in a poker game? Here’s an Ace, two Kings, a Four, and a Two. There’s some good possibilities in that, but nowhere near the top rung of winning hands. So, do you discard some friends…say the four and the two…for hopefully another King or Ace? Or do you think you’ve got something better than the worst hand, which is an odd mixture of nothing worthy…like a Two, a Five, an Eight, a Jack, a Ten? Thinking further, do you consider your own ideas and values in that mix? You are the one holding the cards.

There are some friendships that do need to be evaluated and discarded from time to time. The reasons can be any of all sorts of things…your values don’t mesh anymore, the time for the friendship has run it’s course, an incident of some sort happened. In these situations, it’s up to you to decide on a keep or throw away card.

I often look at that statement and think it’s saying, “Get rid of the card that’s a two.” What if that two card is valuable in some ways worth keeping? I mean, what if you kept the Two card, discarded the Four and Eight, to get two more Two cards. There, you’ve got three of a kind and that’s more valuable in a hand than a pair of Kings.

I guess that statement, like any other, is a pondering of, “Check your circle of friends.” “Check in with yourself.”

Time….

Time is an interesting and important part of life. People ask you, “How are you spending your time?” You tell them how you’re taking care of the household chores, the children, your partner, and working to make a living. That’s a fair response and one most people say, even I do.

That’s just the surface routine of time. It’s how you fill your days, weeks, months, years. So, what am I wanting to say about time that’s different? I want you to understand the value of time. It’s something I’ve come to see in my own life over the past couple of years and it’s vitally important.

Do you deeply feel the moment you’re in? I may have posted about this before. I really do feel strongly about it though.

I’ve come to appreciate my youngest child’s laughter. I feel my husband’s presence while sitting beside him. I appreciate the perfect weather days. I feel the depth of my blessings.

Okay, so, what does that have to do with time? Well, the depth of your feelings will give you a richer life. By feeling your life in this way, you create much more than a passing connection. When “time” shifts something, say a child moving into their own place, a parent or partner passing away, a baby born to a short life, or any other experiences that speak of connecting…when time shifts something, you can say you valued the time you were given. You valued. You lived it in depth. You felt the blessing and goodness and love you are/were given. That’s powerful.

As you go through the routine of your day, notice who you’re with…their presence, their love, their added value to your life. Notice it with a depth down to your soul. It will truly make a difference in the kind of life you’re living.

Time doesn’t say, “You can have him/her for just one more week. Cram all of what you want to feel, love, and say within that week.” Sometimes time warns you about the limits you’re about to have, most often not. Time asks you to appreciate the moment you’re in at this very breath you’re taking. Time says, “Did you hear that laughter? Did you hug that person with a big hug? Did you speak about how you truly feel? Were you brave enough to go after your dreams? Did you value YOURSELF as a key person making a difference by living your life?” Time says, “Live and feel in the NOW.”

Your Core Essence

Who you are, the attitude you’ve always held, is considered your core essence. Usually, if you have a favorite color, this can hint to what area of life your Essence thrives in. Blues are talkers. Yellows are free thinkers. Reds show convictions. Oranges show action. Purple show broad thinkers. Greens are comforters.

What this means, if you believe it or not, is…no matter who you are or what you’ve got going on in your life, you will always be passionate about something, or a talking kind of person, or someone ready to do a hands on project. Etc.

You may be having a hard time and think the circumstances aren’t really right for you to “be you”, but I’ve found that not to be the situation. I think sometimes God thinks I’m capable of way more than I think I am capable of. Many times I think this.

I also remind myself, like yesterday, that I’m still me, no matter what else is going on. I still give care when I see it needed, a kind word, a hug. Even on my rotten days, I’ll do that. Care and comfort are part of who I am. I give fabulous hugs and will always try to encourage where I can. This is a part of my core essence. This is what makes me, well, me.

Maybe you can take some time to see what you see in yourself? Maybe you can take a moment to see what others come to you for? Maybe you can believe in your value, your unique essence, your ability to make a difference? Cheers!!

Not choosing is a choice

Sometimes, you are faced with a situation whereby you are at a crossroads of sorts. A yes or no is presented to you. You don’t make a choice about it, rather hoping that you’re on a bit of neutral ground that allows you more freedom maybe? You may find, if you haven’t noticed already, that not making a choice is still a choice having an effect on those in the situation.

Sometimes, not making a choice works. You can find ways to be neutral in dealing with the situation or the people involved. It’s still a minefield to navigate though. It depends on how you choose to handle things and what kind of results you’re hoping to attain.

I have taken the neutral route in some instances. I wasn’t a person directly, intimately involved in the situation, between these people, so remaining neutral allowed me more freedom in talking with each of these people because I didn’t find myself in a position to take sides.

I have also made decisions that caused me to take sides. There are some situations you may be faced with whereby you have to decide if a decision needs to be made by you, usually based on your personal integrity, trust, who you’re looking out for.

Sometimes these decisions involve your own family. This is where lots of people choose to not take sides. They figure that there’s blood flowing between all of us and how could they possibly make a choice that alienates them from someone they’ve known most all of their life? Maybe the situation is between a best friend and a family member? That’s a tough spot too.

This is why it’s best to find out who you are, what you believe in, and what you are willing to take sides about. There may come a time in your life whereby you are asked to make a choice among people you care about and you will have to decide (yes, no, not choosing) where you stand in there.

I have, on several occasions, taken sides that were hard to take. Situations came up whereby I had to speak from a place of my own personal beliefs, of who mattered more to me, of what my value system is. There are certain actions I completely disapprove of and will take a stand against. It doesn’t matter if those actions were done by people I don’t know or someone blood related I’ve known my whole life.

This is why it is so important that you find yourself and what you personally believe in. You are the one creating your life and you aren’t obligated to make choices based on blood relations, long-term friendships, what you once knew to be true from childhood, or any other reasons to “choose according to the other person’s” beliefs or expectations. Think about this for a minute. This is an important key in how you navigate life. You are your own individual being. You should be creating your life in a way that fits you and those that matter most to you.